My past, like many others I'm sure as well, is filled with happiness as well as pain, sorrow and regret. As I move through life I look back on my accomplishments and find joy and on my failures and wish I could erase them. But no matter how hard I try or want to I can not change the past, I can only rewrite the path of my future.
Each and everyone of us are blessed with our own circumstances and trials in our lives. We can spend our life idly wishing for things to be different, or we can take the time to make what we have what we want. We will never know who's blessings are another's trials and vise-versa. In my life I do not strive to be extremely wealthy, have magazine worthy beauty or world recognized talent. While all those things I'm sure would be nice, in the end all of that is left behind.
The one thing I wish and work for is to be a loving wife, a beloved daughter, a devoted friend and hopefully one day a loving mother. Some that know me have heard me say that the only thing that matters in life are your family and friends, because in the end that is who will be there with you. And while I believe that whole heartedly, and I try to make sure those people know that I love them and would do anything for them, there are many times that I am a failure at this one important thing.
I am not proud to say that there have been times that I have resented my parents, ignored my family and gossiped about friends. Those things are awful to do to the people you love, and I wish that excuses like me being an imperfect person, or caught up in the trials of life were good enough to explain those away but they are not. Nothing can excuse those kind of actions, they are shamefully, and permanently etched in my past. the only thing I can do now is apologize for my mistakes and try to better myself for tomorrow.
One of my very favorite and uplifting talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" says; "We are all mortal. I hope this does not come as a surprise to anyone. None of us will be on earth very long. We have a number of precious years which, in the eternal perspective, barely amount to the blink of an eye." " If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it." "Resolve to spend more time with those we love. Resolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be. Resolve to find happiness regardless of our circumstance." "We cannot go back in time and change the past, but we can repent. The Savior can wipe away our tears of regret. His Atonement allows us to leave the past behind and move forward with clean hands, a pure heart, and a determination to do better and especially become better."
I hope that I can bring a renewed meaning of those words into my life. I want to be happy, and I want to surround myself with loved family and friends that know how much they mean to me. I hope I can make the most of the time we have on this earth. I cannot promise I will never falter, I can only promise to try.
To my parents, thank you so much for raising me with love and teaching me to do my best and to work hard for what I want and for always being willing to be there to offer help when I needed it most. I hope that one day I can teach my children the same.
To my brothers and sisters thank you for giving me a hard time but for also loving me. I know we didn't always get along but I never have and never will stop loving each of you and continuously wishing each of you the very best and the happiness you deserve in your lives.
To my friends, past and present, near and far, each and everyone of you are unique and amazing in your own way. I love everyone of you for the different things you have taught me, each of you has your own strengths that make you irreplaceable in my life. No matter if we are still friends today, have parted ways or we will be friends, again or for the first time, in the future, thank you for taking the time to be apart of my life. I am truly blessed I I can only hope that I can offer each of you the love and experiences you have shared with me.
Thank you to those that took the time to read this, I hope that if I have ever wronged or hurt you in the past I apologize and I hope you can look past my failures and remember me for the kind and loving person I try and hope to be.
-Michelle
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
My First Tri!
For a few years now I have had a goal to do a triathlon, but every year I make new excuses as to why I couldn't do it. I wanted to weigh less, be in better shape, be a better runner. But I finally decided that if I kept waiting for everything to be perfect then I would never do it.
One of my old roommates and good friends mentioned to me she was going to do the Jordanelle Triathlon and that I should sign up also. So I did, I figured I knew I wasn't going to do amazing, but everyone has to start somewhere, but that didn't change the fact that I was terrified! For two days before the race I could barely eat anything I was so nervous. I kept on telling myself that at least I would be out there trying, and that I didn't have to win, I just had to finish and I would be happy.
The morning of the race I was so nervous i was shaking and nearly hyperventilating, and couldn't keep down my breakfast which didn't make anything any easier.
The swim was supposed to be my best leg of the race, but it almost ended up being my worst. I been swimming for a long time so I wasn't worried, when the gun sounded I was off and keeping up with the front of the pack, but after about a 100 meters something happened. I couldn't catch my breath, and it felt as if my wetsuit was strangling me. I'm a tiny bit claustrophobic in the first place, and I hate having anything tight around my neck and between my wetsuit and the murky, people filled water I seriously thought that I was not going to make it. I ended up flipping over to my back, I unzipped my wetsuit a little bit and tried to calm myself down! I WAS NOT GOING TO GIVE ONLY HALFWAY INTO THE FIRST LEG! I would never forgive myself! So I just took it easy and regained my composure and for the last few hundred meters I was able to swim like normal and jump back up a few places. By this time Landon had though I had drowned. He knew my usual swim time of 14 min and when that past he was worried. I finally got out of the water 19 min later. I felt defeated already, if my swim was my best leg everything else was bound to die before I could finish!
So I stripped of my wetsuit and got on my bike, all the other bikes for the women in my race division were gone and I was sure I was in last. But once my legs found their rhythm on the peddles I started feeling better, I could make it. One of the rules of triathlons is no music, it's unsafe to you and others. I'm so used to fining my rhythm in my music I was going so slow with out it, so I started signing whatever I could think of in my head, Row row row your boat, Old McDonald, 99 bottles...but it helped. I picked up my speed and started passing people!!! Before I knew it I had blown though the bike leg! Now I just had to run...
But by this point in time my legs were jello! I could barely stand up when I dismounted my bike! I'm a bad runner to start with (i have horrible knees) and I knew this was going to be the longest 3 miles of my life! I seriously had to think right, left, right, left to keep my feet moving and not fall flat on my face!
When I finally rounded the final corner and the finish line was in sight, I could hear my family and Landon cheering me on and the announcer calling my number and reading my race bio, I started crying! I knew I was going to make it! And at that moment I could not have been prouder of my self. It was one of the most memorable and rewarding moments of my whole life! I didn't even care what my finishing time or place was, I finished!
*Landon and I at the finish line
*My amazing friend Makensie and I
After the race was over they started announcing the winners overall and then the top three in each age and weight group. Because I weigh over 150 pounds I get put in a separate group called Athena they break that down to ages under 39 and over 40. It sucks because I wish I was supper skinny, but it's nice because realistically I have no hope at keeping up with a 100 lb twig. I didn't think I came close to placing, my finishing time was 2:09 (i was so close of my goal if under 2 hours). But then all of a sudden my family was yelling at me that they read off my name for my division! I had taken second place in my group!
I was so shocked , amazed and proud of myself! Not only had I finished, but I didnt do all that bad either!
I was so happy I over came my fears and finished my first triathlon! I was also so lucky I had an amazing cheering section also. Landon, my Mom and my brother Brent and Tara all came out to support me. Knowing they were there kept me going, I love them all so much for that!
*Tara was super excited! She was the lookout and would let everyone know when I was coming!
One triathlon down! I think there will be many more to come! Maybe one day I will be an overall winner, until that day I just want to continue beating my previous time. And anyone who says they could never do a triathlon, I dare you to try! I never thought I could either!
Your turn to Tri!
Love Michelle!
One of my old roommates and good friends mentioned to me she was going to do the Jordanelle Triathlon and that I should sign up also. So I did, I figured I knew I wasn't going to do amazing, but everyone has to start somewhere, but that didn't change the fact that I was terrified! For two days before the race I could barely eat anything I was so nervous. I kept on telling myself that at least I would be out there trying, and that I didn't have to win, I just had to finish and I would be happy.
The morning of the race I was so nervous i was shaking and nearly hyperventilating, and couldn't keep down my breakfast which didn't make anything any easier.
The swim was supposed to be my best leg of the race, but it almost ended up being my worst. I been swimming for a long time so I wasn't worried, when the gun sounded I was off and keeping up with the front of the pack, but after about a 100 meters something happened. I couldn't catch my breath, and it felt as if my wetsuit was strangling me. I'm a tiny bit claustrophobic in the first place, and I hate having anything tight around my neck and between my wetsuit and the murky, people filled water I seriously thought that I was not going to make it. I ended up flipping over to my back, I unzipped my wetsuit a little bit and tried to calm myself down! I WAS NOT GOING TO GIVE ONLY HALFWAY INTO THE FIRST LEG! I would never forgive myself! So I just took it easy and regained my composure and for the last few hundred meters I was able to swim like normal and jump back up a few places. By this time Landon had though I had drowned. He knew my usual swim time of 14 min and when that past he was worried. I finally got out of the water 19 min later. I felt defeated already, if my swim was my best leg everything else was bound to die before I could finish!
So I stripped of my wetsuit and got on my bike, all the other bikes for the women in my race division were gone and I was sure I was in last. But once my legs found their rhythm on the peddles I started feeling better, I could make it. One of the rules of triathlons is no music, it's unsafe to you and others. I'm so used to fining my rhythm in my music I was going so slow with out it, so I started signing whatever I could think of in my head, Row row row your boat, Old McDonald, 99 bottles...but it helped. I picked up my speed and started passing people!!! Before I knew it I had blown though the bike leg! Now I just had to run...
But by this point in time my legs were jello! I could barely stand up when I dismounted my bike! I'm a bad runner to start with (i have horrible knees) and I knew this was going to be the longest 3 miles of my life! I seriously had to think right, left, right, left to keep my feet moving and not fall flat on my face!
When I finally rounded the final corner and the finish line was in sight, I could hear my family and Landon cheering me on and the announcer calling my number and reading my race bio, I started crying! I knew I was going to make it! And at that moment I could not have been prouder of my self. It was one of the most memorable and rewarding moments of my whole life! I didn't even care what my finishing time or place was, I finished!
*Landon and I at the finish line
*My amazing friend Makensie and I
After the race was over they started announcing the winners overall and then the top three in each age and weight group. Because I weigh over 150 pounds I get put in a separate group called Athena they break that down to ages under 39 and over 40. It sucks because I wish I was supper skinny, but it's nice because realistically I have no hope at keeping up with a 100 lb twig. I didn't think I came close to placing, my finishing time was 2:09 (i was so close of my goal if under 2 hours). But then all of a sudden my family was yelling at me that they read off my name for my division! I had taken second place in my group!
I was so shocked , amazed and proud of myself! Not only had I finished, but I didnt do all that bad either!
I was so happy I over came my fears and finished my first triathlon! I was also so lucky I had an amazing cheering section also. Landon, my Mom and my brother Brent and Tara all came out to support me. Knowing they were there kept me going, I love them all so much for that!
*Tara was super excited! She was the lookout and would let everyone know when I was coming!
One triathlon down! I think there will be many more to come! Maybe one day I will be an overall winner, until that day I just want to continue beating my previous time. And anyone who says they could never do a triathlon, I dare you to try! I never thought I could either!
Your turn to Tri!
Love Michelle!
Monday, July 30, 2012
Freedom!
As I grow older I begin to realize the amazing gift of freedom we have in the wonderful USA. There will always be haters and naysayers, people who take for granted how much they have and those who have nothing but realize its more than other countries could dream of.
Remember in elementary school begrudgingly getting up to say the pledge of allegiance and listen to he national anthem every day. Well as I grow older and I realize the meaning behind those words, I am not ashamed to say that I cannot listen to the national anthem anymore without tearing up every time.
I am thankful for the brave men and women who do what I could never dare do and fight for our country. I am PROUD to be an American! Happy late 4th of July!
And a little Chaco American flare!
Much love and Freedom
Michelle!
Remember in elementary school begrudgingly getting up to say the pledge of allegiance and listen to he national anthem every day. Well as I grow older and I realize the meaning behind those words, I am not ashamed to say that I cannot listen to the national anthem anymore without tearing up every time.
I am thankful for the brave men and women who do what I could never dare do and fight for our country. I am PROUD to be an American! Happy late 4th of July!
And a little Chaco American flare!
Much love and Freedom
Michelle!
Left my heart in San Francisco! Seriously!
For Landon's job he is sometimes required to travel for conferences and such. When he found out he was going to be going to San Francisco we figured it would be a nice cheep trip for us seeing we would only have to dish out money for a plane ticket for me!
Neither of us had been before and so we were super excited! Our traveling philosophy is to have an idea of things we would like to see but we don't really plan much beyond where we stay and how we are getting around! I feel like this leaves us with a lot of freedom to wonder and see things we wouldn't normally, it also takes a lot of stress out of trying to stay on schedule and fit everything in. We still always end up seeing and experience more that we can imagine.
We didn't rent a car because the public transit went everywhere, and you had to pay to park everywhere you went. We spent a lot of time waiting for trains until we finally mastered the metro schedule and routes. Landon didn't have meetings this day so we did lots of our sight seeing then.
Chocolate Heaven!
Only day the bridge wasn't covered in fog!
Experienced our first food truck! Yummy pizza! Del Popolo!
F the most to die for ice cream place! Smitten!
And took time out to climb at the coolest gym right on the bay! Planet Granite!
The next two days Landon had conferences all day so I wandered on my own! I walked around the beautiful Berkley campus! Found an amazing ice cream sandwich shop steps from campus, CREAM! Visited a local chocolate factory TCHO! Boudin bakery! And of course the beach!At nights when Landon was free we enjoyed walking around and eating good food! We became food truck addicts! I wish we had good ones in Utah! They we all so gourmet! We went to a food truck rally one night and got to taste a little bit of everything!
Best cupcakes EVER! Cupkates bakery!
On our last day in the city we decided to rent some bikes and experience the city like the locals, and see the last couple of things on our want to list!
Golden gate park!
The beach!
Lands End!
And the bridge on a foggy day! And we weren't tempted to jump at all!
We ate way to much amazing food, enjoyed the sights, amazing culture perfect weather, and we loved every minute of our trip, I would love to go back again, I mean there are like 3000 more restaurants I need to try! I'm a total foodie! If it wasn't so expensive to live there I thing I would be tempted!
Much love,
Michelle
Neither of us had been before and so we were super excited! Our traveling philosophy is to have an idea of things we would like to see but we don't really plan much beyond where we stay and how we are getting around! I feel like this leaves us with a lot of freedom to wonder and see things we wouldn't normally, it also takes a lot of stress out of trying to stay on schedule and fit everything in. We still always end up seeing and experience more that we can imagine.
We didn't rent a car because the public transit went everywhere, and you had to pay to park everywhere you went. We spent a lot of time waiting for trains until we finally mastered the metro schedule and routes. Landon didn't have meetings this day so we did lots of our sight seeing then.
Chocolate Heaven!
Only day the bridge wasn't covered in fog!
Experienced our first food truck! Yummy pizza! Del Popolo!
F the most to die for ice cream place! Smitten!
And took time out to climb at the coolest gym right on the bay! Planet Granite!
The next two days Landon had conferences all day so I wandered on my own! I walked around the beautiful Berkley campus! Found an amazing ice cream sandwich shop steps from campus, CREAM! Visited a local chocolate factory TCHO! Boudin bakery! And of course the beach!At nights when Landon was free we enjoyed walking around and eating good food! We became food truck addicts! I wish we had good ones in Utah! They we all so gourmet! We went to a food truck rally one night and got to taste a little bit of everything!
Best cupcakes EVER! Cupkates bakery!
On our last day in the city we decided to rent some bikes and experience the city like the locals, and see the last couple of things on our want to list!
Golden gate park!
The beach!
Lands End!
And the bridge on a foggy day! And we weren't tempted to jump at all!
We ate way to much amazing food, enjoyed the sights, amazing culture perfect weather, and we loved every minute of our trip, I would love to go back again, I mean there are like 3000 more restaurants I need to try! I'm a total foodie! If it wasn't so expensive to live there I thing I would be tempted!
Much love,
Michelle
Top Gun
So back in May we got this adorable menace!
We were not planning on ever getting a second cat, I really want a puppy but our current life is not puppy friendly. So when we saw home at the pet store I couldn't help myself!
It took Roxy a while to adjust to having a new kitten around but now they enjoy playing with each other!
It took us awhile to pick a name, but with all his energy and fearless attitude I couldn't help but think of one of my FAVORITE movies Top Gun, and so we named him Maverick and it fits him well!
It's so fun having a new kitten around, I will be sad when he gets bigger, but he loves being pet and will make a great lap kitty!
Unfortunately we will not be adding a goose to our line up!
Love
Michelle!
We were not planning on ever getting a second cat, I really want a puppy but our current life is not puppy friendly. So when we saw home at the pet store I couldn't help myself!
It took Roxy a while to adjust to having a new kitten around but now they enjoy playing with each other!
It took us awhile to pick a name, but with all his energy and fearless attitude I couldn't help but think of one of my FAVORITE movies Top Gun, and so we named him Maverick and it fits him well!
It's so fun having a new kitten around, I will be sad when he gets bigger, but he loves being pet and will make a great lap kitty!
Unfortunately we will not be adding a goose to our line up!
Love
Michelle!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Camping with Friends!
So a couple of weekends ago we got the chance to take some time and go out camping with a bunch of our friends! It was a last minute idea but sometimes those are the best! Our friends TC and Michele wanted to do something for their 6th anniversary and leave their cute little girl with grandparents so it was a kid free weekend, and it slowly evolved from that.
I love our group of friends and we have such a great mix of every personality and stages in life that it is always fun! Our newly wed friends Justina and Trent were even able to make it up with us! We were bummed not everyone could come, but it was such a good time I think we all want to keep doing more camping on a regular basis!
Got a little fishing in....
Some horseshoes...
And some target practice...
Had to fight off some Indians...
Enjoy the pretty sunset courtesy of all the wildfire smoke in the air...
Had a fire of our own...
Enjoyed a mostly good nights rest, some of us more than others...
We had a great time, and can't wait to do it again soon!
Happy camping...
Michelle!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Soundtrack Memories
Isn't it amazing how you can listen to a song and you can remember exactly when you first hear it and what you were doing with your life! The reason I bring this up is May and June are my two soundtrack months!
Every May I start missing the beach! May marks the time when school was out and that I would be packing up my stuff and heading out to good old Myrtle Beach to sit in a lifeguard stand all summer and soak up the sun! I miss those carefree days badly! Its super weird now being married and done with school owning a house and having a lot more responsibilities than I sometimes want.
So with out a doubt every May, Dashboard Confessionals Dusk and Summer album fills my car speakers and the windows go down and I picture driving down the coastal HW and sitting in my beaten up white lifeguard stand!
Every summer I wish I could go back, but I know if I did it would never be quite the same as the two amazing summers I spent there!
Every June, Cold Play Viva la Vida pops in the stereo and remindes me exactly why I am no longer enjoying the sunshine on the beach, It remindes me of the June that I met Landon. The song Viva La Vida was all over the radio the summer I met Landon and I loved it! That album was the first thing Landon ever bought me and I will never be able to listen to it and not think of him!
Since then there have still been many songs that will always remind me of wonderful and not so great times. But these two soundtracks will always be what I listen to every May and June.
You know now that I have mentioned these two albums you want to go listen to them!
Happy Listening!
Love Michelle
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